I can see clearly now - how I found clarity in the fog of menopause

It all started just a few months after I got married (oh the timing...)

first symptom - no libido, it started to slip away and then it was non existent. I saw a dr. they did some tests.

NORMAL

"you're totally fine, there's nothing wrong with you." the dr told me

then the itch, oh holly mother of all that is sacred, the itch that made me want to peel my skin off, my arms, my legs, my neck, shoulders and down there (was the worst of all) I would itch until I hurt, until I bleed, and nothing took it away.
I tried all those natural remedies, over the counter creams and wipes, even prescription strength...nothing helped.

THEN- as if this were not enough, hot flashes, for no reason, at all times of the day, they would start at my head and wave through me, down to my feet and back again, sometimes overwhelming me, had to pull over the car a time or two, and just sit, until it subsided.

I handled it all, but then I started forgetting things, I locked the keys in the house 3 times in one week, forgot why I walked into a room, couldn't remember what my husband had told me just a few hours earlier.
There were other things too, I took pregnancy tests every month, I did not want to be pregnant (never have) but my body was acting so weird- I had to pee every 5 mins, I kept getting nauseous, my boobs grew a whole cup size and they hurt so so bad- I even went to the dr for pregnancy test cause I was certain that had to be the reason for all these issues.

NORMAL

"you're totally fine, there's nothing wrong with you." the dr told me AGAIN!!!!!

but this time I KNEW that I was not normal.
I started researching my symptoms, not sure why it took me so long, I just never thought that someone my age (early 30's) could go through this whole PERI crap. No-one had ever told me. Premature ovarian failure was not even on my radar, let alone in my vocabulary.

I became convinced that I was suffering from Peri. I went to a gyno (and old man) and he once again -told me that I was 100% NORMAL, within the range-
but he sent me to a talk to a pharmacist, he had me do a questionnaire and gave me some advice.
I was prescribed some testosterone (to address the lack of libido and the dryness) and he told me that I could purchase plant based phyto-hormone creams over the counter.
I looked on amazon and BEHOLD - a whole world of possibilities opened up to me.

I don't recommend "self" diagnosis or treatment but sometimes when you are waiting for confirmation (which I did get from a wonderful dr a year or so later) we take matters into our own hands.
I could NOT wait another second.

I had been placed on birth control after the 2nd pregnancy test I came in for, they could see I was dealing with a hormone imbalance and birth control is ALWAYS the first thing they reach for, the easy "safe" fix.
It did help with the mental, and emotional issues but the rest of my symptoms were still there , growing stronger.

I tried a bunch of different things, eventually I landed on an estrogen and progesterone cream that was made by the same company, they seemed to cut back the intensity of the itch in my skin (even calmed the itch "down there" ) and I was hooked. My libido was still MIA and the hot flashes were still pretty frequent.

All the while I was working a stressful job, serving in ministry at my church and trying my very best to maintain a "normal" life but the stress of everyday was weighing on my shoulders.
I was operating in SURVIVAL mode.
I was "better" but I was still wondering around in the fog of Peri-menopause.

My awesome DR (the one who finally diagnosed me with premature ovarian failure) recommended that I try a new form of HRT (hormone replacement therapy) called Pellets
(a small "device" implanted below the skin that administers a steady dose of hormones into your body for 3-4 months)
we were hopeful that this would awaken my long lost libido.
The pellets kept me at the same level that my creams had, with the added bonus of tearing my stomach apart- everything I ate for 3 months, came "roaring" out of me. and no change in the libido department.

I was in a car accident. One of my sweet cats (my babies) died suddenly. and the world weighed more than ever, crushing down on my shoulders, pushing me to my knees.

I quit my job. My husband yelled at me that he didn't understand what was happening to me, I told him that I didn't understand it either. I cried that I didn't know who I was, where I was, that I was just trying to find ME again.
We had been married 6 years at this point and we had always said that 5 years into marriage we would start talking about adoption and fostering but I just didn't feel like I could handle that right now on top of everything.

Searching around for another option. ANYTHING that might help me feel like ME again. Someone in my MLM circle (yes I'm one of those crazy "earn money from home" cookes) he reached out to me about a cream. I had heard about it a few times from others but I didn't know that it was another option as far as HRT goes. that MANY others had used it to replace HRT and had found it to be wonderfully more effective without the risks of HRT.... blah blah blah, I was desperate so I said YES, I would try it.

It was a bit pricey - 140$. which I didn't have (hello, unemployed) so I put it on a credit card- don't judge, I was DESPERATE!!!!

It took almost 2 weeks to arrive, I ripped the box open, read the directions and started using it. It wasn't overnight, but I started to notice little things.
I forgot to take my progesterone cream one night (which had previously been the only thing keeping me from waking up in sweat every morning) - and nothing happened, so I stopped using it, and I have still not had a night sweat since.

The Pellets were still in my system when I first started using this stuff and I was worried that once they were all cleared out of my system, that the symptoms would come rushing back like a wave. but that didn't happen.
about 5 weeks in, I felt a clarity that I hadn't felt in so long- I don't even remember how long.

I was sold. signed up to sell this stuff. ordered another 2 bottles so I wouldn't be without it EVER again.
I took it to my Dr and showed it to her, she agreed that it looked like a great option to try and said she was eager to see what it would do for me.

what about my Libido??? well it's not back yet (it's been gone for almost 7 years, it'll probably take a while to really come back) BUT the dryness is gone, and the painfulness of sex is gone, and even though I still don't ever go into it eager (I try to pretend for my husbands sake) I have actually enjoyed it a few times- and that was a feeling that was long gone, so I have hope that it will continue to get better.

I still have a hot flash when I work out (usually about 30 mins in) but they don't show up whenever they want anymore, and I have hope that even they will disappear with time.
WHY?

Well, this new stuff I'm taking, (the mlm cream) it's NOT HRT, it's a micro-dose hormone signaler , meaning, it works to build up the function of your body to produce the hormones again on their own. I'm not a DR so I won't try to explain that more, instead, I'll send you to watch the videos that have a few really awesome Dr's explaining how and why it works. each month you take it, your body feels a little bit better.

I told my husband a few months ago that I'm ready now, to talk about kids and family and all that stuff! We are looking into moving to a children's home, and becoming houseparents (something we feel called to ) and I can honestly say that I'm NOT stressed out by the idea of having 10 kids living in my home. (and I was a nanny for 10+ years so I know what craziness comes with kids).

I feel excited, hopeful, I am still fighting to function the way a 36 year old should, but I SEE CLEARLY. no more survival mode. no more HRT. no more birth control. no more worrying about losing bone density or not being able to sleep without medication.

I'm gonna send you to those videos now. If you made it through this whole post, I imagine that you can identify with what I wrote, with the symptoms, the confusion, the FOG- and I am happy to show you what got me through it.
YES it's sold through an MLM company, I'm sorry about that. I didn't create it (if I had, it would be listed on amazon) and yes it is a bit expensive but it's worth a little bit of your time to watch and see if this is worth it for you to try.    check those videos out HERE

The year by body turned against me.

2013 -I turned 30,  I moved across the country and left my family and friends to live closer to my love, got married, started a new job, new church, new EVERYTHING.

the last 6 years in particular have been challenging for me health wise, I chalked it up to stress of getting married and moving far from home, living with an autoimmune disease and a million other little things. HOWEVER, turns out that 85% of the stuff I've struggled with are all linked together.

it was like a tiny little snowball, rolling down the hill, super slow at first but then picking up speed and by the time it gets to the bottom it's gigantic.
2017 is when the snowball got to the bottom of the hill.

First it was my memory, I started to forget things so often. I locked the keys in the house so many times that my husband bought and installed a code lock so he didn't have to come home and unlock the door for me every time. I also lost a job because I couldn't focus enough to follow a simple check list. then my mind entered what I can only explain as a fog, normal was slipping from my grasp quickly.

My sleep, or lack there of got worse, the all natural sleep aid I had been using stopped working, and I resorted to benadryl to get sleep and maintain what little energy I could.
I was exhausted from the moment I woke to the moment I got back into bed, and while I was going to the gym religiously and participating in at least 2 hour long group fitness classes each week, I was slowly gaining weight and hadn't seen a single change in the year or so of this new habit.
Then my body joined the party - hot flashes, irregular cycles, a rush or "hormonal" side effects.

Let me remind you that in 2018 I turned 35, NOT 53, I am YOUNG. So I didn't look at what seems obvious to me now. I simple felt like I was going crazy, I was not feeling like myself, and I couldn't explain to you why.

My doctor visits lent NO HELP to me. they pointed at symptoms and offered treatment without telling me or even trying to figure out what was causing them. When I finally put it all together I wrote out my list of symptoms on a timeline and I went to the dr again. She was in her 50's and going through hormonal changes herself so she understood every bit of what I was explaining - I left that aptm feeling like there was hope to finding my way back to who I am, who I used to be.

2018 was also the year that I found my way back (or started to) - through HRT and on going education and listening to my body. (over the counter creams and a prescription testosterone cream)

I have something called Premature Ovarian Failure- which has caused my body to go into peri menopause (which is the period of time before menopause when your body is stopping the regular production of the hormones that the body needs to preform as usual) Peri can last anywhere from 4-10 years. I have been experiencing side effects of peri for 6 years now, and was on my "self guided" HRT for about a year.

THEN 2 months ago I met an amazing DR. she believed me, listened to me, offered help. We ran some hormone panels and she place me on the Pellets for estrogen and testosterone (I'll continue use of my progesterone cream) - I am very hopeful that this new course of action will yeild some more "normal" coming back in my direction, but it's too early to tell, it's been just 5 days on the Pellets. I'll keep track of the progress along the way

Dry Itchy skin and how to survive it - Menopause

Did you know that the bodies largest Organ is the SKIN??? I think we forget sometimes that the skin does so much more than just create a pleasant looking shell for all the things inside, it has functions of it's own.

During the process of Peri-menopause and menopause itself there are numerous skin conditions we might experience but today we are only going to discuss ONE.

DRY ITCHY SKIN!!!

While there are 5 hormones that are associated with skin and the changes we may encounter, Dry and Itch are usually due to a drop in Estrogen. Estrogen helps to maintain moisture in the skin as well as aid in the production of collagen (which keeps skin firm and thick).

Because Dry skin is typical among women (and men) of all ages, many don't even realize it is a symptom of Menopause until it gets really bad, and then usually it's treated topically as a condition and not as a symptom of a larger issue (hormone imbalance) .

While topical treatment may offer temporary relief, if you really want to improve quality of life, it's best to treat it as something that is more than skin deep (lol, pun intended)

There are 3 ways to Treat DRY ITCHY skin.

1. - lifestyle changes
2.- alternative treatments/medicines
3.- typical medicine

⇢LIFESTYLE CHANGES 
most of these will sound really easy and like common sense but may actually help so don't skip this section.

Diet - Omega -3 fatty acids help to reduce inflammation, Vitamin E helps retain moisture - both can    be found in cold water fish, leafy greens and whole grains. (fish oil & Vitamin E in suppliment form)
         -Soy products are rich in protein & progesterone which can help to boost your bodies levels.
         - Vitamin C - has antioxidant properties and has a role in collagen synthesis making it a vital      molecule for skin health . can be found in, citrus fruits, bell peppers, kale, broccoli, Brussels                sprouts, kiwi, papaya, pineapple. (vitamin C in supplement form)
         - Vitamin B - B3 is one of the best forms of be vitamin, aslo known as Niacin, it can help to        treat a number of skin conditions, including aging and dy skin - can be found in pork, poultry,            fish, soy beans, eggs, vegetables. (Vitamin B3 in and B complex in suppliment form)
         -Water - it goes without saying that water helps to hydrate from the inside out (really there is      nothing that water can't help so drink as much as you can) what helps me is to have a cute water bottle, filled with water that goes everywhere I go

Exercise - physical activity helps to increase blood flow, helping nutrients to reach the skin for efficiently, exercise also helps to reduce stress and benefits the endocrine (hormonal) system altogether.

Remove harmful chemicals - switch to natural (non-toxic) lotions, body washes, laundry detergent, be careful to not let perfumes get on the skin. (I signed up for a shopping account with a company called Melaleuca for my household products - give me your email address in the comments and I can sign you up for a free shoppers account too) 

Stop smoking -  if you smoke, THIS is one more great reason to quit, as smoking is know to dry out the skin and constrict blood circulation.

Limit Alcohol - alcohol consumption can worsen symptoms of hormonal imbalance including itchy skin.

Sun protection - I know you've heard it all your life, UV rays are harmful to your skin but they can also play a big part in drying it out. if you are going to be out in the sun for more than 10-15 mins, you should be wearing a good mineral sunscreen. Mineral sunscreen


⇢ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS & MEDICINES
These range from spa treatments to masks and lotions to herbal supplements and if I wrote them ALL out, this would be a book and not a blog post so I'll try to be general but still offer a few real examples.

Phyto-estrogenic supplements - these supplements are rich in phytoestrogens, plant based compounds that can compensate for estrogen deficiency, these can be taken in pill form or via trans-dermal creams but either is considered to be a short term fix, as they can diminish the bodies normal hormone producing capabilities. if you decide to add one of these to your daily regiment it is best to consult a dr.
below I will list some products (on amazon, with high rating) I suggest that you read the description and the reviews to see if it would be an option for you.

Dong Quai , Soy Isoflavone , Red clover , Super wild yam extract , Evening Primrose ,

AND some non- estrogen suppliments that have been known to help hydrate and repair dry skin    Lac Hydrin , AHA acids , Rosehip oil , Castor Oil , Argan Oil , Tamanu Oil , Marula Oil , Avacado Oil , Probiotic , Coenzyme , Calcium , Vitamin D ,  Retinal , Aloe Vera , Collagen Powder

there are even some "super supplements" that are meant just to help skin - here are a few
Hum pre-probiotics   ,  Derma Genius  ,  Morning Liquid Vitamins


⇢MEDICINES
Perhaps you are past the point of trying to fix the problem on your own, maybe you've tried and failed or something worked at first but has lost it's effectiveness. Then it may be time to consult a Dr. because this particular issue is related to Hormones and not simply surface level, I would recommend seeing a Dr who specializes is Hormones and perhaps integrative medicine. HRT may be a fix for you, or a prescription cream of some sort.

I hope this article has helped you in some way , or given you some Ideas of what can be done to help to alleviate the itchy skin that might be driving you crazy.

I feel like I'm going CRAZY

It's a confusing time, coupled with the fact that everyone experiences this "shift" differently, there is NO "normal" here. but if there were one thing that almost every women going through peri (with symptoms) will say
"I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING CRAZY"
the mental issues + the emotional issues + the physical issues + the spikes and falls of the hormones... it can make a women feel that someone had come into the "control room" and moved everything around, turned all the knobs and flipped all the switches.
It can take years before someone identifies these symptoms as hormonal, especially when they are in their 20's or 30's (and not the typical 40's and 50's).

In a perfect world, we could check our hormone levels like you check a temperature, there would be a HARD "normal" and an easy way to track and follow any imbalance but this is FAR from a perfect world

Most of us will go see a Dr, trusting that they will listen, and guide us in the right direction BUT unfortunately, most of the time that is not the case.
If you are under the age of 40, you will most likely be put on a birth control pill to help "regulate any imbalance" and perhaps be sent to a gynecologist who will tell you that you're fine and that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal.
If you are lucky enough to get a dr who runs a hormone panel, you risk your levels coming back "within normal range" because that test is measuring you on ONE day, and your hormones will fluctuate constantly throughout the month, dropping and spiking like a fun little roller coaster.

My personal "journey" took a whole SIX YEARS of back and forth before I found a Dr who actually agreed with me that I was going through premature ovarian failure and experiencing symptoms and side effects of Peri-menopause (even though i'm only 36).

If I had it to do all over again, I would take a bit more control, I would test my hormones myself - over the course of the whole month and measure every single marker that might indicate an irregularity, and then I would go to the Dr. ARMED with info, and facts and PROOF, that I'm not going through "normal" imbalance issues.

It's too late for me, I've landed in a place where I am now on HRT, doing well and seeing a wonderful Dr. who listens and understands.
BUT it's NOT too late for you. If you feel like you're going crazy, and you don't know what to do to get back to feeling normal again. I will recommend that you take matters into your own hands and order a test that you can do in the comfort of your own home. I won't spend too much time explaining it, cause the website will do that.
I'll leave my referral link here - and you will save 20% if you order from my link. Everly well

This test will give you something to take with you as you navigate the world of Dr.'s and specialists and trying to find the right course of action.