first symptom - no libido, it started to slip away and then it was non existent. I saw a dr. they did some tests.
NORMAL
"you're totally fine, there's nothing wrong with you." the dr told me
then the itch, oh holly mother of all that is sacred, the itch that made me want to peel my skin off, my arms, my legs, my neck, shoulders and down there (was the worst of all) I would itch until I hurt, until I bleed, and nothing took it away.
I tried all those natural remedies, over the counter creams and wipes, even prescription strength...nothing helped.
THEN- as if this were not enough, hot flashes, for no reason, at all times of the day, they would start at my head and wave through me, down to my feet and back again, sometimes overwhelming me, had to pull over the car a time or two, and just sit, until it subsided.
I handled it all, but then I started forgetting things, I locked the keys in the house 3 times in one week, forgot why I walked into a room, couldn't remember what my husband had told me just a few hours earlier.
There were other things too, I took pregnancy tests every month, I did not want to be pregnant (never have) but my body was acting so weird- I had to pee every 5 mins, I kept getting nauseous, my boobs grew a whole cup size and they hurt so so bad- I even went to the dr for pregnancy test cause I was certain that had to be the reason for all these issues.
NORMAL
"you're totally fine, there's nothing wrong with you." the dr told me AGAIN!!!!!
but this time I KNEW that I was not normal.
I started researching my symptoms, not sure why it took me so long, I just never thought that someone my age (early 30's) could go through this whole PERI crap. No-one had ever told me. Premature ovarian failure was not even on my radar, let alone in my vocabulary.
I became convinced that I was suffering from Peri. I went to a gyno (and old man) and he once again -told me that I was 100% NORMAL, within the range-
but he sent me to a talk to a pharmacist, he had me do a questionnaire and gave me some advice.
I was prescribed some testosterone (to address the lack of libido and the dryness) and he told me that I could purchase plant based phyto-hormone creams over the counter.
I looked on amazon and BEHOLD - a whole world of possibilities opened up to me.
I don't recommend "self" diagnosis or treatment but sometimes when you are waiting for confirmation (which I did get from a wonderful dr a year or so later) we take matters into our own hands.
I could NOT wait another second.
I had been placed on birth control after the 2nd pregnancy test I came in for, they could see I was dealing with a hormone imbalance and birth control is ALWAYS the first thing they reach for, the easy "safe" fix.
It did help with the mental, and emotional issues but the rest of my symptoms were still there , growing stronger.
I tried a bunch of different things, eventually I landed on an estrogen and progesterone cream that was made by the same company, they seemed to cut back the intensity of the itch in my skin (even calmed the itch "down there" ) and I was hooked. My libido was still MIA and the hot flashes were still pretty frequent.
All the while I was working a stressful job, serving in ministry at my church and trying my very best to maintain a "normal" life but the stress of everyday was weighing on my shoulders.
I was operating in SURVIVAL mode.
I was "better" but I was still wondering around in the fog of Peri-menopause.
My awesome DR (the one who finally diagnosed me with premature ovarian failure) recommended that I try a new form of HRT (hormone replacement therapy) called Pellets
(a small "device" implanted below the skin that administers a steady dose of hormones into your body for 3-4 months)
we were hopeful that this would awaken my long lost libido.
The pellets kept me at the same level that my creams had, with the added bonus of tearing my stomach apart- everything I ate for 3 months, came "roaring" out of me. and no change in the libido department.
I was in a car accident. One of my sweet cats (my babies) died suddenly. and the world weighed more than ever, crushing down on my shoulders, pushing me to my knees.
I quit my job. My husband yelled at me that he didn't understand what was happening to me, I told him that I didn't understand it either. I cried that I didn't know who I was, where I was, that I was just trying to find ME again.
We had been married 6 years at this point and we had always said that 5 years into marriage we would start talking about adoption and fostering but I just didn't feel like I could handle that right now on top of everything.
Searching around for another option. ANYTHING that might help me feel like ME again. Someone in my MLM circle (yes I'm one of those crazy "earn money from home" cookes) he reached out to me about a cream. I had heard about it a few times from others but I didn't know that it was another option as far as HRT goes. that MANY others had used it to replace HRT and had found it to be wonderfully more effective without the risks of HRT.... blah blah blah, I was desperate so I said YES, I would try it.
It was a bit pricey - 140$. which I didn't have (hello, unemployed) so I put it on a credit card- don't judge, I was DESPERATE!!!!
It took almost 2 weeks to arrive, I ripped the box open, read the directions and started using it. It wasn't overnight, but I started to notice little things.
I forgot to take my progesterone cream one night (which had previously been the only thing keeping me from waking up in sweat every morning) - and nothing happened, so I stopped using it, and I have still not had a night sweat since.
The Pellets were still in my system when I first started using this stuff and I was worried that once they were all cleared out of my system, that the symptoms would come rushing back like a wave. but that didn't happen.
about 5 weeks in, I felt a clarity that I hadn't felt in so long- I don't even remember how long.
I was sold. signed up to sell this stuff. ordered another 2 bottles so I wouldn't be without it EVER again.
I took it to my Dr and showed it to her, she agreed that it looked like a great option to try and said she was eager to see what it would do for me.
what about my Libido??? well it's not back yet (it's been gone for almost 7 years, it'll probably take a while to really come back) BUT the dryness is gone, and the painfulness of sex is gone, and even though I still don't ever go into it eager (I try to pretend for my husbands sake) I have actually enjoyed it a few times- and that was a feeling that was long gone, so I have hope that it will continue to get better.
I still have a hot flash when I work out (usually about 30 mins in) but they don't show up whenever they want anymore, and I have hope that even they will disappear with time.
WHY?
Well, this new stuff I'm taking, (the mlm cream) it's NOT HRT, it's a micro-dose hormone signaler , meaning, it works to build up the function of your body to produce the hormones again on their own. I'm not a DR so I won't try to explain that more, instead, I'll send you to watch the videos that have a few really awesome Dr's explaining how and why it works. each month you take it, your body feels a little bit better.
I told my husband a few months ago that I'm ready now, to talk about kids and family and all that stuff! We are looking into moving to a children's home, and becoming houseparents (something we feel called to ) and I can honestly say that I'm NOT stressed out by the idea of having 10 kids living in my home. (and I was a nanny for 10+ years so I know what craziness comes with kids).
I feel excited, hopeful, I am still fighting to function the way a 36 year old should, but I SEE CLEARLY. no more survival mode. no more HRT. no more birth control. no more worrying about losing bone density or not being able to sleep without medication.
I'm gonna send you to those videos now. If you made it through this whole post, I imagine that you can identify with what I wrote, with the symptoms, the confusion, the FOG- and I am happy to show you what got me through it.
YES it's sold through an MLM company, I'm sorry about that. I didn't create it (if I had, it would be listed on amazon) and yes it is a bit expensive but it's worth a little bit of your time to watch and see if this is worth it for you to try. check those videos out HERE
